Outprocessing...?

Alright, here goes..

So you all know that I've had depression since I was like, 16, yeah?
Well, it finally came back since about two months into this deployment, and I thought I could suppress it.

I did, for another month or so. Until Monday, when everything was piling up so high, and then unexpected things happened, along with everything else that I think/worry about, plus anxiety, and lack of sleep, and the inability to sleep when I'm given the chance. So what do I do? I snap. I scream, "I'm going to kill myself if this shit doesn't stop!" and I'm heard, quite clearly, by my first class who was sitting beside me.

So I got sent over to the carrier, and talked to the ship psychologist, and he asked about my past, since I was a child. I told him almost everything. Including the cutting, depression, being on antidepressants and so forth.

He found my time in the Navy was most suitable to be over, and he sent a letter telling the CO his recommendations. Of course, the CO went along with it, since if I had done anything to myself, it would have been him on the line.

So here I am, typing this at nearly 1:30am, telling everyone who reads my blog what happened.

I'll be flying out of here as soon as they schedule it; as early as Saturday.

All I wanted was some help, not this. Just help to sort my thoughts. Help with the workcenter I had been running alone since my friend was taken out of it. Just to have the other two I work with do their damn jobs. Was that so much to ask? Did they really have to push me so far?