Outprocessing...?

Alright, here goes..

So you all know that I've had depression since I was like, 16, yeah?
Well, it finally came back since about two months into this deployment, and I thought I could suppress it.

I did, for another month or so. Until Monday, when everything was piling up so high, and then unexpected things happened, along with everything else that I think/worry about, plus anxiety, and lack of sleep, and the inability to sleep when I'm given the chance. So what do I do? I snap. I scream, "I'm going to kill myself if this shit doesn't stop!" and I'm heard, quite clearly, by my first class who was sitting beside me.

So I got sent over to the carrier, and talked to the ship psychologist, and he asked about my past, since I was a child. I told him almost everything. Including the cutting, depression, being on antidepressants and so forth.

He found my time in the Navy was most suitable to be over, and he sent a letter telling the CO his recommendations. Of course, the CO went along with it, since if I had done anything to myself, it would have been him on the line.

So here I am, typing this at nearly 1:30am, telling everyone who reads my blog what happened.

I'll be flying out of here as soon as they schedule it; as early as Saturday.

All I wanted was some help, not this. Just help to sort my thoughts. Help with the workcenter I had been running alone since my friend was taken out of it. Just to have the other two I work with do their damn jobs. Was that so much to ask? Did they really have to push me so far?

Been a while..

As the title says, it's been a long while since I've updated this.

Mainly because this is the first time the internet has been able to load this page. But anyway. Time for the usual stuff.

Well, this deployment has sucked, and has made me ever regretting my decision to ever join the Navy. The CO seems like he knows what he's doing less and less each day. The XO is dumb. I hate him with all my being.

I don't know how I've lasted this long since those two came to "lead" this ship. We're "Air Defense Commander" and all that means to me, and the rest of the ship, is that we can't do maintenance out at sea, so the "liberty" we get in ports isn't really time off at all. It's maintenance, maintenance, duty, and maintenance.

Someone please tell me why I joined.

Blar

So, we were supposed to be pulling into Mayport today, for our last "port visit" before deployment.
That's what we've been calling the time we're in port, since for some reason, that's all we do.. Go out to sea for a month, back in for a week or so, back out.. You know the drill.

Well, anyway.. Good parts about this underway..
I got my ESWS pin, which I'm not sure how to put pictures up, even though it's only one.
Nevermind, I found a button that has "Add an image" labeled on it.

Umm.. I played video games for the first time in 15 days after getting my pin, which was awesome.
Now I can spend some offtime enjoying what I do best, aside from fixing my guns, which is playing video games.

Well, it's almost time for watch, but not quite, but I can't sleep.. So I'm sitting here, watching my friend play games.

Hope to see you all sometime soon!
Also, the ship's internet sucks, and doesn't like the file size of this picture.. So I'll send it to myself, and upload later.
Or you can ask my mom for the picture, because who knows when I'll actually be home?

Finally.

So, last night, I had my CPO board for my Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist(ESWS) qualification last night.

We went in at 6:30pm, and it ended around 10:20.. When we finished, they sent us outside the Mess, and called us in one by one, starting with me.

They told me that, if it weren't for me, the other guys would have had a much harder time on many of the topics. My weakest topic was Operations.. Since I don't really like it at all, but I had to learn it.

Well, I got my pin, as well as two of the other three.. The other guy just had no clue what was going on, and that's not trying to be mean. He really didn't have any idea.

I get my actual pin tomorrow, not sure what time.. But soon I can wear my Surface Warfare designator pin! I am really looking forward to it.

ESWS..

So, I just found out that I have my CPO board tomorrow, after one day of doing my Murder board last night.
And it was Sunday today, so NOONE wanted to do anything to help on the parts that I was weak on.

Which was only deck seamanship and I wanted to go through engineering just a little, but I did fine on the murder board with that.

Well, here's wishing me luck.. I hope I get it. I need this pin.

Christmas

Well, it's that time of the year again.
I hope you all have a great time opening presents, and I'll be down in Orlando soon enough!

I miss you all, and can't wait to see you.

Hmm..

I've got nothing today.
Sorry to disappoint.

Well, I guess I do have something.

I'm on duty. Yay.