The Stuff That I Do!

Outprocessing...?

2009-06-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, here goes..

So you all know that I've had depression since I was like, 16, yeah?
Well, it finally came back since about two months into this deployment, and I thought I could suppress it.

I did, for another month or so. Until Monday, when everything was piling up so high, and then unexpected things happened, along with everything else that I think/worry about, plus anxiety, and lack of sleep, and the inability to sleep when I'm given the chance. So what do I do? I snap. I scream, "I'm going to kill myself if this shit doesn't stop!" and I'm heard, quite clearly, by my first class who was sitting beside me.

So I got sent over to the carrier, and talked to the ship psychologist, and he asked about my past, since I was a child. I told him almost everything. Including the cutting, depression, being on antidepressants and so forth.

He found my time in the Navy was most suitable to be over, and he sent a letter telling the CO his recommendations. Of course, the CO went along with it, since if I had done anything to myself, it would have been him on the line.

So here I am, typing this at nearly 1:30am, telling everyone who reads my blog what happened.

I'll be flying out of here as soon as they schedule it; as early as Saturday.

All I wanted was some help, not this. Just help to sort my thoughts. Help with the workcenter I had been running alone since my friend was taken out of it. Just to have the other two I work with do their damn jobs. Was that so much to ask? Did they really have to push me so far?

Been a while..

2009-05-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

As the title says, it's been a long while since I've updated this.

Mainly because this is the first time the internet has been able to load this page. But anyway. Time for the usual stuff.

Well, this deployment has sucked, and has made me ever regretting my decision to ever join the Navy. The CO seems like he knows what he's doing less and less each day. The XO is dumb. I hate him with all my being.

I don't know how I've lasted this long since those two came to "lead" this ship. We're "Air Defense Commander" and all that means to me, and the rest of the ship, is that we can't do maintenance out at sea, so the "liberty" we get in ports isn't really time off at all. It's maintenance, maintenance, duty, and maintenance.

Someone please tell me why I joined.

Blar

2009-01-27T17:15:00.000-08:00

So, we were supposed to be pulling into Mayport today, for our last "port visit" before deployment.
That's what we've been calling the time we're in port, since for some reason, that's all we do.. Go out to sea for a month, back in for a week or so, back out.. You know the drill.

Well, anyway.. Good parts about this underway..
I got my ESWS pin, which I'm not sure how to put pictures up, even though it's only one.
Nevermind, I found a button that has "Add an image" labeled on it.

Umm.. I played video games for the first time in 15 days after getting my pin, which was awesome.
Now I can spend some offtime enjoying what I do best, aside from fixing my guns, which is playing video games.

Well, it's almost time for watch, but not quite, but I can't sleep.. So I'm sitting here, watching my friend play games.

Hope to see you all sometime soon!
Also, the ship's internet sucks, and doesn't like the file size of this picture.. So I'll send it to myself, and upload later.
Or you can ask my mom for the picture, because who knows when I'll actually be home?

Finally.

2009-01-20T14:44:00.000-08:00

So, last night, I had my CPO board for my Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist(ESWS) qualification last night.

We went in at 6:30pm, and it ended around 10:20.. When we finished, they sent us outside the Mess, and called us in one by one, starting with me.

They told me that, if it weren't for me, the other guys would have had a much harder time on many of the topics. My weakest topic was Operations.. Since I don't really like it at all, but I had to learn it.

Well, I got my pin, as well as two of the other three.. The other guy just had no clue what was going on, and that's not trying to be mean. He really didn't have any idea.

I get my actual pin tomorrow, not sure what time.. But soon I can wear my Surface Warfare designator pin! I am really looking forward to it.

ESWS..

2009-01-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

So, I just found out that I have my CPO board tomorrow, after one day of doing my Murder board last night.
And it was Sunday today, so NOONE wanted to do anything to help on the parts that I was weak on.

Which was only deck seamanship and I wanted to go through engineering just a little, but I did fine on the murder board with that.

Well, here's wishing me luck.. I hope I get it. I need this pin.

Christmas

2008-12-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of the year again.
I hope you all have a great time opening presents, and I'll be down in Orlando soon enough!

I miss you all, and can't wait to see you.

Hmm..

2008-12-21T18:16:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing today.
Sorry to disappoint.

Well, I guess I do have something.

I'm on duty. Yay.

Holes in the Ship...

2008-12-15T12:31:00.000-08:00

So.. When we left Norfolk, the aft tug rammed into the ship, punching a hole in it.

It was fun fun, especially since the hole was just above the waterline, and every single wave that went up high enough, filled up one of our spaces with seawater.
Well, if that wasn't bad enough.. The CO, in his ultimate wisdom, decided to perform high-speed turns..

Anyone who has been on a ship, which is some of you reading this, knows that high-speed turns can completely cover the fantail. Which it did. And flooded out not only the battery shop(which is the space the hole is located), but the adjacent space. Real badly. Like, it took an hour to clean it up.

Oh! While on the topic of seawater, while performing mag sprinks, the firemain burst. Awesome, right? Not really. It took 3, count them, THREE valves up from the burst to secure the firemain. That's bad.

So.. After that was done, and we cleaned up the mess and rinsed it with fresh water so that it wouldn't rust(but we all know it will still), the FCs got to go to bed. Which includes me.

Anyway.. There is also a crack up in the forward pump room. Which has been there... A good while, from what I'm told. This CO is awesome. Risking the lives of his crew to go to Norfolk to (insert explicit comment here) so that he can put on a star sometime soon.

Honestly, we should just move the drydock up 2 years, and skip this deployment, but we know that won't happen, because we're the "Mighty Mighty Vicksburg".

Can't be mighty at the bottom of the sea.

Alright.. I think that's all.
Oh, I go on leave soon.

Austin is taking first leave, so he'll be here soon. Freaking awesome. I miss that guy.

And Ryan is taking second leave, so we'll be hanging out a lot. Even more awesome. Since he was gone the only time I could have hung out with him for more than a few hours.

Alright.. That is it this time.

John-O out.

2008-12-09T14:48:00.001-08:00

Cheese..

That is all.

Norfolk, VA

2008-12-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

It's not my favorite place, but it's definitely not my least favorite place.

And somehow, I have only $160 left in my account.. I need to stop buying random stuff.
But it's useful in some way. Like.. Oh, right.. Long johns, because it's really cold here. And new white T-shirts.. And uniform items. And randomly paying off my credit card.. Like $100 here, and $100 there.. Without a payment being due.

And I somehow left my cable to my camera at home, so I won't be uploading any pictures from it until I get home.

Renting a car tomorrow after school, hopefully.. Just to get off the ship for the weekend.
I don't like being stuck on the ship, especially when I have a means to not be.

Sea~

2008-11-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

Once more, out in my favorite place in the world.. The Atlantic Ocean. Yay.

Ok, so I'm sarcastic, but oh well. I don't mind it as much as being over in the Gulf, but it's just building up slowly to that.

So, here's an update of recent events.

Thursday: Thanksgiving, and on duty. Didn't sleep that night because of being Duty Gunner's mate, and was all-around depressing.

Friday: Got off duty and went out for a little bit. Met up with a guy I work with, who just got off restriction at midnight. Hung out with him at the "Single Sailors" place for internets. Got underway, and was thankful that I had the 1730-2200 watch, since that meant I got a full night's sleep, and after Thursday night, it was welcome.

Today: Sitting on watch again(hurray 3 section. Just better than port and starboard, but not much.) and that's about it.

Tomorrow: Supposed to be pulling into Norfolk relatively early, and so I'm hoping to get off the ship, get more white T-shirts, since I was dumb and left them at the apartment. I also plan on getting a utility jacket patch so that mine doesn't label me as a third-class still. (Hurray laziness.)

And then hopefully, hopefully! Ryan will be home in the evening after a Thanksgiving trip he took to his girlfriend's in Baltimore. So hopefully I can see him tomorrow night. If not, we'll be there for two weeks.

John out.

Happy Thanksgiving and stuff.

2008-11-27T11:54:00.000-08:00

Alright.. Once again, I write from the armory.

And this time, I say to everyone.. Happy Thanksgiving. Mine is sucking, mainly because I'm on duty.. But also knowing that we're going underway tomorrow.

It's only for two days, but we'll be in Norfolk, instead of Mayport. Oh well, maybe I'll get to see Ryan. I miss him a lot.

And the whole Christmas thing.. I should start shopping. I really don't want to, mainly because I don't know what anyone likes.. Still, even after being around for 23, almost 24 years. The only person I know what she wants, is my girlfriend.. Mainly because I've been asking subtle questions about stuff.. Like her favorite gemstone, what she likes more; earrings, rings, or necklaces..

But anyway.. Time to take a nap. About time for that "thanksgiving" dinner to start, so I'm gonna get a nap until I have to arm up the watchstanders.

Blood work

2008-11-24T08:37:00.000-08:00

I hate it. Absolutely, positively, would rather shoot myself in the foot, hate it.

So, I go to get blood drawn today, you know, for the routine blood/glucose levels, cholesterol, and HIV testing. Three separate vials of blood they need to draw. No big deal, right?

Wrong.
She missed at first, and the second she stuck the needle in, my ears began to ring. After the second vial, my vision started to blur, and I already couldn't hear. The third vial.. Well, let's say that after it was done, the lady had to help me get to the chair to sit down.. For about 5 minutes before I could see and hear again.

So, now you see why I hate blood work. I'm fine with cutting myself, or smashing a finger, or the occasional falling down the brow of the ship.

But I wasn't even looking at my arm when the blood was coming out, and I still almost passed out.

Anyway, yeah.. I should get back to work. Even though it's already done, and the only other person in my workcenter who is here, is on watch. Hurray.

Hurray for duty!

2008-11-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

Once again, I'm on duty. It seems to happen more often than not, but I can't complain. I signed the line.

I guess I could blame Ryan and Austin to an extent, but that would be selfish(but funny).

I don't hate the Navy at all, not in the least, but I do hate the immature people who make rank, who don't deserve it.

But anyway, thought I'd make a post, and add my family, which I wouldn't be happy without.
I love you all, so much. I wish I could show it more.. But it's hard to even make it to see anyone with the schedule this ship has.